1. It is only common courtesy that women should leave the seat on the toilet UP when they are done.
2. If a woman is cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
3. A man should never be obligated to hold a woman's purse in the mall.
4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving a woman's contempt.
5. Shopping is not fascinating.
6. When a man asks for a threesome with a woman and her best friend, he is only joking.
7. Unless the answer is yes.
8. In which case, can he videotape it?
9. If a woman REALLY wants a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Once all women accept it, the better off they will be.
15. He heard you the first time.
16. You know, women can ask men out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little.
17. If women truly want honesty, don't shouldn't ask questions they don't really want the answer to.
18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
20. Dogs good. Cats bad.
21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
22. If a man has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", a woman should have to sit through "Showgirls".
23. "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
25. He was not looking at that other girl.
26. Well, okay... maybe a little.
27. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy...
28. There is nothing inherently wrong with the word "hooter".
29. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met.
30. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
31. A woman should never ask a man if she looks fat or if her butt looks big, because the answer is always "YES, goddamnit, so stop asking"...
32. If a woman wants a satisfying sex life, she should NEVER fake an orgasm.
33. PMS is not an acceptable topic of conversation with a man. "I don't care if I would appreciate what you go through if I had to experience menstral cramps.."
34. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
35. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Swallow it. Love it.
36. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless the intent is to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
37. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of us is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with.
38. Of course size matters.
39. Don't hog the covers.
40. A man does not just want to be friends.
41. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
42. Women will never understand male bonding.
43. Whenever the man changes clothes, where they fall is where God willed them to be.
44. When watching television, the man has supreme control of the remote, and any other remotes to any other item in or out of the house.
45. While watching sports the man is not to be interrupted unless food or beer is involved.
46. Sex is only appropriate during commercials.
47. When a man has a day off he is to be pampered like the woman is when she is pregnant.
48. If a man suspects a woman a woman knows these rules, just laugh it off and agree with her (she has no clue, it is some kind of trick)
49. It is to be assumed at all times that women are plotting against our manhood.
50. MEN ARE KING, AND SHOULD BE ADDRESSED AS SUCH.