2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
massage".

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends inpublic

consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to
your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and
announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17
inch paper, 99 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog".

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU

think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of
your "astronaut training".

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your
neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener
it was a "real hoot".

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they
touch with a can of Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and
copy them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and
tell the neighbors you are a "spider person".

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll
be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands
over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a
nasal Howard Cossell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.