News



A Vision of the Future

The third Cynism

5 Dec 1999 | 07:25 PM (CET)

I have an eight year old TV. There's nothing wrong with that, the problem is that it is now getting a bit tired and fails from time to time. However, as I went to look for new TV's I got a shock - the picture on virtually every TV is crap.

This is caused by various 'improvements' made by the manufacturers to have people believe they need a new, 'better' TV. Of course, that is bullshit. I've posted a pair of test pictures to illustrate the problem. The first is the unaffected, original image and the one you'd really want to see. The second is the same image after the 'improvements' found in newer TV's have been added. Both images are in CCIR broadcast resolution (720*576) for the sake of detail and about 48kB in size.

The test picture before the kickshaw was added
The test picture after SCAM™, C+35X™, SmartAss™, Hyper Picture Super Contrast Filter™, ASAP™, RTFM™ and BYOB™ were added

If you have any suggestions for a Cynism topic, feel free to email me.

Next time: Bill Gates gets his foot caught on a speeding giraffe. Netscape launch flourescent spatulas to help promote Communicator. Five nuns come together to reinvent The Lucy Show. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs make a bet on who's the biggest sucker.

é

Don't be a square

The second Cynism

13 Nov 1999 | 01:10 AM (CET)

Square
Square

Well, after a week's delay, here is the second of the Cynisms. This one is about film on television and the opposition against widescreen of which I am not a part. While more informative than cynical this time, I did feel that it was an okay topic. Either way, it does contain that Bryce2-rendered ZacaHQ logo for your enjoyment. And remember not to take the Cynism seriously - or maybe this time you should? :)

If you have any suggestions for a Cynism topic, feel free to
email me.

The Cynism will open in a new browser window. Note that you need a Java-enabled browser to navigate the Cynism.

Ÿ Don't be a square

é

The ART of writing Poetry

Introducing the weekly (?) Cynism

29 Oct 1999 | 06:30 PM (CET)

Poetry
Poetry

Starting today, each week I will put up a Cynism; a comment on something I feel is interesting or which someone else has suggested. The idea arose when a friend of mine who's a musician, offered to put music to a poem I once wrote, 'Poet Bastard'. After having added two verses to the poem for the song, I came to think of making something more out of it. The result was the first Cynism, which is featured here.

However, I thought: why stop here? There are alot of other things to be cynical about. Hence the decision to make it a recurrent feature. Every week - given I've got the time and a topic to work from - I will post a Cynism on this site. Each Cynism will cover a different topic and be featured a minisite of its own. Because of space restrictions, each Cynism will only stay on the site for a single week until the next Cynism is posted.

If you have any suggestions for a Cynism topic, feel free to
email me. Note that you need a Java-enabled browser to enter the Cynism.

Ÿ The ART of writing Poetry

é

I love my ISP

10 reasons why I love them

27 Oct 1999 | 06:05 PM (CET)

Tele2 sucks
Zacabeb loves Tele2

  1. It's always nice to guess whether I'll be able to connect or not
  2. It's alot of fun guessing which important e-mails got lost on their server
  3. It's a pleasant surprise when you're near the end of a 30MB download and get disconnected for no apparent reason
  4. It's very nice to call their phone support and wait in line for half an hour
  5. It's astounding that you get a whole 10MB's of webspace; you can almost fit your entire site
  6. It's great fun spending two hours on their website trying to find what you're looking for
  7. It's really cool how they provide a guest book for your site with shitty design and idiotic navigation
  8. It's wonderful how they stick to a standard minute fee instead of a fixed monthly fee
  9. It's always a great moment when you get your Internet bills
  10. It's great I'm tied up with an 18-month subscription and have to pay them for all these wonderful things every three months even after I go cable this Xmas

é

Beware of the Screen Beans

Curse of the ClipArt

5 Oct 1999 | 06:40 PM (CET)

Screen Beans
Screen Beans

There are always fads going on and not all of them are good. Right now, Clearasil® are tormenting the European TV viewers with a tacky skin cleanser commercial. But that doesn't bother me as much as the plague of the Screen Beans. Somehow they make me think about the Oddworld games - extremely popular but nobody knows why. Don't get me wrong - I love Oddworld. But the Screen Beans I do not.

Screen Beans are these small silhouette figures which form part of the Microsoft® Office™ ClipArt library. Hence, with MS Office being such a widespread product these little bastards have soon found their way into virtually every single internal corporate document there is. My boss uses them, an education methodology consultant we once contracted used them, and I've even seen them on websites. It's now getting to the point where they are like Smurfs - nonexistent but nonetheless tiny, tacky and annoying. And all over the place.

I feel mostly sympathy for these sad little figures, but I still feel like screaming whenever I get a piece of paper with them on it. They remind me of the lack of imagination that has lead to so many bad web sites, so many bad songs, so many bad movies and shampoos which smell of coffee. They also remind me of that guy who became successful writing books on how to become successful. I'm sure he doesn't put Screen Beans in his docs.

Anyway, look out for these little buggers... and just in case you should find yourself surrounded by them, keep a can of Tipp-Ex® in your pocket. It might just come in handy.

é