"Im logged in, therefore I am".

The truth is out there? Anyone knows the URL?

RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user.

Best file compression around: "DEL *.*= 100% compression.

Hold a hard drive to your ear --listen to the C.

"Calm down. It's only ones and zeros".
To err is human - and to blame it one a computer is even more so.

Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\> Computers can never replace human stupidity.

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Than things get worse.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

Bugs come in through open Windows.

A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.

A pessimist is never disappointed.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Blessed the pessimists, for they make backups!

Do not disturb. Already disturbed!

Sex is like a bridge game: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

A recent study says that 90% of men masturbate in the shower: The other 10% sing. Do you know what they sing? No! Oh, really?? I wonder what you do in the shower!

Smile is the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!

Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!

The only real difference between an oral and rectal thermometer is the taste.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

VENI, VIDI, VISA - I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED.

Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is little like having a Peeing Section in a pool!

Menstruation, Menopause, Mental Breakdowns... ever notice how all our problems beging with men?

Concorde: Breakfast in London, Lunch in New York, Luggage in Bombay.

If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

FAQ (fah-Q)

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.

On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK".

The less hair I have, the more head I get.

Don't eat yellow snow.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue...

Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

Growin old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!

H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k b rd!

I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof!!

I don't have the solution, but I admire the problem.

I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem.

I think, therefore I am. I think.

I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.

I tried to switching to gum, but I couldn't keep it lit.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.

I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.

If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test.

If in doubt, make it sound convincing.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing.

If it works, tear it apart and find out why!

It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!

Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?

Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

The rich get richer; the poor get babies.

You can tune a guitarr, but you can't tuna fish.

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?