Well. I could begin along long time ago. About 18 and a half years ago. But since i guess that few people clicked this link to check that. I will jump directly on the vital part.

In the ninth grade, when we got internet at home. I thought it was really interesting.. BUT.. it took me a while to understand that there were porno images on the net... at first I just looked at "straight sex"... mostly women. I had not yet really understood that it was ok to look at men to. At gay men. But after a time of serious denial i took the courage to search for gay porno. And i was stuck. For some reason i prefered to look at men. Although I did not really understand the real reason WHY i found it so interesting to look at. Perhaps I thought it just was so unusual that I was curious to look at it. But... perhaps half a year later... I.. hmm.. well.. i got more interested in it.. in a sick kind of way some would say.. or.. at least I thought so.. I now know that it was a normal behavior.... Although I acted this way.. I was in denial... i really could not understand that i was attracted to guys.. not girls.. so... by the time i was in first grade.. in the late fall.. i met my first girlfriend. A very cute girl from Falun, a very attractive girl... one year younger than me. But.. as always.. it ended.. and in the spring i met my second girlfriend. Also a cute girl ( Vietnamese ).. we were together for almost 9 months.. so my summer was wonderful... I really enjoyed being with her.. And i loved her ( I thought ) but now afterwards i understand that it was not love i felt.. just very good friendship.... both mentally and sexually.. although the latter can be discussed since I am not sexually attracted to girls. But lets get to the case:

In second grade ( in gymnasium )... I started to realise that my attractiond was guiding me to men.... I met ( via IRC at first ) a very good friend who lives nearby in Umeå. He is a wonderful guy who really learned me not to be afraid for the feelings i had. He made me accept myself for whom I am. Hopefully we will always be as good friends as we are right now, i cannot think of anything worse than loosing him. ( you know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart )

I had ( though ) not yet accepted my homosexuality. I had just accepted that i was turned on by guys ( this damned denial caused by our homofobic society ) But in spring time/summer he introduced me to a guy i Gothenburg. A guy that was really attractive ( by the way he is a dancing GOD ). So I went by train to Gothenburg to meet him. It was first THEN i understood that guys was my life. That they could offer me SO much more than women could. I then understood how it felt to be really attracted to someone. How it is to love someone. And how it is to make love *smile*. Now i cannot understand how i could have dated so many girls that i did. Why i did not understand that I really WAS attracted to men.. and men ONLY... ( my first thought was that i was bisexual ). Unfortunatly i have now no contact with him what so ever for some reason i do not know. But the main issue is: I now KNOW that I am GAY. And that I have ALWAYS been too.

Most of you who are reading this do not by any means understand how difficult and hard it is to come to realise that you are attracted to the same sex. We live in a homofobic society ( as mentioned ). And this causes difficulties for many. Most of the gay male ( and female ) do not have the courage to tell their friends and families about their sexual orientation( I have not yet dared to tell my family ). So please, be a bit more understanding even if you think that your friends are straight people.. you could be wrong.. Fortunatly ( in this case ) I have not myself known that i really like guys ( until this summer )... which made it a bit more easy to withstand the homofobia. I am know coming out of the closet. I will not hide myself behind my ex-girlfriends. The meaning of life is not to live as others would like me to live. The meaning of life is to enjoy life... I cannot enjoy life without guys.... gay guys that is ( NO i will not get any ideas about my friends.. they are friends and that's it.. nothing more )