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Du som har anmält dig till Sprays fastpris 195:- kronor per månad kan känna dig belåten. Spray fick 20.000 kunder på rekordtid, och tar nu tyvärr inte emot flera. IDIOTS & RETAILING

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she would not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS

An actual tip from page 16 of the HP 'Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees': "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

AN IDIOT'S IDIOT

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopymachine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling thetruth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.