The stories down below I've copied from Anders homepage.

A dog called Sex

When people buy a dog, they usually name him something like Rover or Browser. Well I chose to
name my dog "Sex". But lately Sex has been a little embarassing to me. I remember one day I took
Sex to City Hall to get a license for him. I went up to the clerk and said "I would like to have a
license for Sex". He said he would like to like to have one too. I said "You dont understand, I´ve
had Sex since i was nine years old" He said I must have been quite a kid.
Last year they were auditioning dogs for a commercial on dog food. I took Sex to the studio to see
if he would get the part. But suddenly Sex started to run off around the studio. I went after him, but
the crew manager grabbed my arm and asked what I was doing here. I told him I was hoping to
have sex on TV. He called me a showoff.
One day Sex ran out on me in the middle of the night. I went around the neighbourhood looking for
him. A cop came and asked me what i was doing. I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes
up this Friday...

Alligator

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns
to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals
inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove
my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The
crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed
his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a
minute, the man grabbed a beer bottled and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The
gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised. The crowd
cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another
offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while,
a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise
not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

Hard day

After a hard day at the office, three guys decide to go out for a cocktail to wind down. The bar
becomes very crowded, a few drinks turns into many and soon everyone is tanked. All three lose
track of each other and end up going home separately. The next day at the office, the three gather
by the watercooler to discuss the past evenings events. The first guy says, "I got so drunk last night
that I went home and blew chunks." The second guy pipes in, "That's nothing. I got so drunk that I
got in my car and drove it right into a telephone pole. Totaled it. I didn't get hurt but now I have no
car." The third guy says, "Well, I got so drunk that when I got home, I cussed my girlfriend out and
knocked over a candle which lit the apartment on fire. She dumped me, all my belongings are
destroyed and the home insurance won't cover the damage." The first guy motions the two to come
closer and whispers, "I'm not sure you understand. Chunks is my dog."

Aids

John calls all his friends together for an important party. At its height the music is turned off and
John makes an announcement: "I've called you all together because I have something important to
tell you. I am going to leave you soon. I have only six months left to live. I have AIDS". A hushed,
shocked silence fills the room, broken only by John's doctor whispering frantically in his hear "Not
AIDS John, You have cancer. I told you you had cancer", to which John replies "Sssshh doc. You
think I want this lot fucking my wife after I've gone?"

Lamp

A guy is walking along the beach and, of course, he finds a lamp. He rubs it and the djinni appears.
"All right, you found the lamp, so you get your three," says the djinni. "I wish to be rich!" says the
man, and suddenly his wallet feels fatter. "I wish for a harem!" says the man, and a crowd of
beautiful women appears around him. "This next one is a little embarrassing, so I'm going to whisper
it in your ear, all right?" The man whispers his third wish in the djinni's ear. The djinni gets ready to
jump back in his bottle. "I'll get back to you on that one later tonight. Until then, have fun." The
djinni disappears. So, later that night, the man is at home and there's a knock at the door. He goes
out and sees a big crowd of Klansmen, wearing their finest robes and hoods. One of the Klansmen
speaks up and says: "Okeh, are you the one who wants to be hung like a nigger?"

Nun story

A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked there's a knock at the door. The nun
calls: "Who is it?" A voice answers: "A blind man". The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind
man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun
and says: "Nice tits! Wanna buy a blind?"

Honeymoon

On the first evening of their honeymoon they are sitting on the balcony of the hotel while the sun is
setting. "Honey", she says, "now that we're married, will you tell me what a penis is ?" He almost fell
off the chair when he heard her ask. So, being her husband, he led her into their room and took his
pants off. "This, my love, is a penis." he told her. "Oh", she exclaimed, "it's like a dick, but much
smaller."

"Signs Your Spouse Is Having An Affair By Computer"

10. Lately she sits at the computer naked 9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette 8. The giant
rubber inflatable disk dive 7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up 6. He's gotten
amazingly good at typing with one hand 5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software" 4.
Lipstick on the mouse 3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!" 2. The jam in
the laser printer is a pair of underpants 1. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass

Turn around?

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big
dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left
testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small
guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy,"What's wrong with
you?" The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says,
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."

Harley

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up
enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if
he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he
does not have the extra money, and is now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet.
The dealer tells him not to worry. There is an old biker trick that will keep the chrome like new. All
he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains - and
everything will be fine. The young man happily pays for the bike and leaves.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home
and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointment time, he
picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that
they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck
doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he
reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word.......

Next he decides to take a more direct approach, so he throws her on the table and has sex with her
in front of everyone.

And no one says a word.......

Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even
wilder sex.

And no one says a word........

By now he is getting very worried and is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the
distance. His first thought is to protect he chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and
pulls out his Vaseline.

And the father says "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes!"

Lose pounds

A business man takes a trip to Japan. One day while walking around town he notices a sign stating
lose weight fast. Being on the overweight size he enters. There is a man behind a counter with 3
signs above him:

Lose 3 pounds Lose 8 pounds Lose 15 pounds 50 US dollars 100 US dollars 200 US dollars

Not believing the claims, but interested he buys the cheapest service. The man takes his money and
escorts him to an completely empty room. About 2 minutes later a japanese girl walks in completely
naked except for a sign around her neck. You have 1 hour to catch me, if you do then you can fuck
me. So of course the man chases the girl around for 1 hour, never catching her. Finally after the
hour the man weighs himself and finds that sure enough he lost 3 pounds. The next day the man
comes back to the same store. This time he purchases the second package. Sure enough he is led
to the empty room and a beautiful young woman enters with a sign on her. You have 90 minutes to
catch me, if you do then you can fuck me. This time near the end of the time he catches the girl and
has the time of his life. When he weighs in sure enough 8 pounds have been lost. On the man's last
day in Japan he decides to go one last time. This time he purchases the most expensive package.
One more time he is brought to the empty room. After 2 minutes a huge sumo wrestler enters with a
sign around his neck.
I have 2 hours, if I catch you I get to fuck you.

Hick!

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to emty the contents of each
and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I
withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of
one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it,
with the exception of one glass, which i drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and
poured the whiskey down the sink which i drank. I pulled the cork from the forth bottle down the
sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which i drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the
next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next
glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink
and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted
the glasses, corks, bottles and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the house came
by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which i drank. I`m not under
the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I`m not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool
so feelish I don`t know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

The Indian Story

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of the American Indian. After lunch and
a tour of the reservation they were standing on, she asked why the difference in the number of
feathers in the headdress' She asked a brave with only one feather in his headdress?
His reply was "Me with only one squaw, have only one feather".
She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This brave had only 4 feathers.
He replied, "Ugh, me only have four feathers cause me sleep with four squaws."
Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to
interview the chief. Now the chief had a headdress full of feathers, which needless to say amused
Ms. Walters.
She asked the chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"
The chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me fuck-em all, big, small, fat, tall, me fuck-em all!"

Horrified, Ms. Walters said, "You ought to be hung!"
The chief replied, "You damn right me hung, big like a buffalo, long like snake!"
Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have have to be hostile."
The chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all."
Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear."
The chief said, "No deer-----me fuck no deer, asshole too high and fuckers run too fast. No fuck
deer."

Shipwrecked

3 men and a woman were shipwrecked on a desert island.
After a month the woman was so ashamed of what they were doing so she killed herself.
After another month the men were so ashamed of what they were doing they buryed her.
After still another month they were so ashamed of what they were doing THEY DUG HER UP!

Skunk

A family of ducks and a family of skunks are attempting to cross a busy highway. The mother duck
starts out onto the street, ducklings in tow. Just then, a huge Kenworth blows down the street and
creams all of them, except for one duckling. The skunk family attempts to cross, and a big
Freightliner takes care of them. All that is left is one baby skunk. The baby duck begins to cry and
wails, "My mama's dead and I don't even know what I am!" The skunk looks at the duck and says,
"Well, you have a beak, webbed feet, and you quack, so you must be a duck. But I've got the
same problem. What am I?" The duck looks at the skunk, then says, "Well, you're not quite black,
you're not really white, and you smell like shit.... You must be a Mexican."

Monks needs

A new monk was being introduced to the life in the monastery. The lead monk guided him through
the area. Near the end of the tour the newbie noticed a strange-looking barrel with a hole in its side
in one dark corner.
"What's that for?" he asked.
"Welll..." the lead monk replied, "Even we monks have our needs, you know. With that barrel, you
can relieve yourself of your earthly needs. You can use it every day except for tuesdays."
- "Oh? Why's that?", the newbie wonders.
- "Because that's when YOU get to sit in the barrel."

Three worst Chinese torture tests

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since
he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and
under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most
of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of
the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a
beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says
"What do you want?".
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since
that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my
grandaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll
be on my way tommorrow morning"
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst chinese
torture tests ever Known to man."
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of
woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the
grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had
been many,many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk
besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the
meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise
down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three
torture tests would be worth it after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and
there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying...

"1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window.
He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying...

"2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after
the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying...

"3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".

Bar talking

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot
and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it's closing on me, I
grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those rodent poison tablets,
cut 'em up, and snort 'em just for the fun of it." And with that he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other,
and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"

The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

Church

A certain old couple had been married for 50 years. Each sunday they would go to church and the
old man would immediately fall asleep. This annoyed the old woman, so, on the Sunday of thier
50th anniversary the old woman brings along a large hat pin with which to keep her husband
awake.
Shortly after entering the church and finding a seat the old man drifted off to sleep. As the preacher
asked the group, "Who is the Saviour of the world?", the old woman stuck the old man with the hat
pin.

"JESUS CHRIST!", the old man shouted, jumping to his feet.

The preacher was shocked. After 50 years the old man was becoming active in his sermon. The old
man quickly drifted back to sleep as the preacher presented a new question to the group. "Who is
our Lord and Saviour of all mankind?". The old woman jabbed the old man with the hat pin.

"JESUS CHRIST!!", he hollered. The preacher, of course, was stunned.

The old man quickly fell back to sleep again and the old woman got caught up in the sermon which
was going on about the creation of the world and Adam and Eve. The preacher asked the
congregation, "What did Eve say to Adam after thier 300th child?"
Remembering her husband, the old woman stuck him with the hat pin again.

Jumping to his feet the old man responded, "If you stick me with that damn thing again I'm gonna
break it in two!"

Pilot help

A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important execs on
board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out.
He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very
nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working
alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Where am
I?" The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane." The pilot executes a swift 275 degree
turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane
stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did
it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave
me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office and
from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."

Sung wa!

Victor, after a long, hard days work, decides he needs some relaxation, so he goes to his local
brothel. He enters and finds the madame. As it's the busiest time of the day, there is only one girl
left, who is Chinese and doesn't know a word of English. "I'll take her." He says desperately, as he
is also in a hurry. So they proceed upstairs and get down to business. As Victor is going full whack
the girl begins to shout out: "Sung wa! Sung wa!" To which Victor assumes that this means, great,
fantastic etc, so he continues unperturbed.

The following day he is at a golf meeting with a wealthy, prospective Chinese client, and is trying to
impress him in any way he can. Just then the client tees off and gets a hole in one. This gives Victor
the opportunity to use his newly found chinese phrase... "Sung wa! Sung wa!", he proclaims, to
which the client replies, "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"

Dead frog

This twelve-year old boy walks into a whorehouse dragging a dead frog on a string behind him,
slaps a hundred-dollar bill on the counter, and says
"I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says
"don't you think you're a bit young for that?"
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says
"I want one of your women."
The madam says
"okay, have a seat, she'll be down in about twenty minutes."
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says
"she has to have active herpes."
The madam starts to sputter and ask why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says
"active herpes." she responds, "okay, have a seat - it'll be about ten minutes."
Ten minutes later, a woman comes out, they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal.
As he's leaving, the madam asks him
"okay, why did you want someone with active herpes?"
The kid replies.
"When I get home, I'm going to fuck the babysitter, and when mom and dad get home, dad will
take the babysitter home and fuck her on the way. and when he gets back, he and mom are going
to go upstairs and fuck. and tomorrow morning after dad goes to work, the milkman will come in
and mom will fuck him, and he's the bastard that ran over my frog.

Essence and Reality

A kid goes up to his father. "Dad, what's the difference between `essence' and `reality'?"
The father thinks for a moment.
"Son, you go up to both your mother and sister and ask them if they would sleep with a total
stranger for a million dollars."
The kid leaves the room and comes back a few minutes later.
"They both said yes", he tells his father.
"I will now explain to you the difference between `essence' and 'reality' " says the father.
"In essence, we are sitting on two million dollars, but in reality you have two whores for a mother
and sister."

Pedophile

A man comes home from work one day, and finds all of his belongings scattered across the front
lawn of his home, puzzled and angry he tries to go into the house to ask his wife what had
happened. The man tried to open the front door, but found it had been latched from the inside.
The man then yelled to his wife, "Open up this door and let me in, I want to talk to you!"
His wife replied, "No, you go away!"
He then yelled again, "God dammit, you open up this door right now, and explain why all my stuff is
all over the front yard!"
"I can't let you in," the young woman yelled back, "You're a Pedophile!"
"What the hell are you talking about," said the husband to his wife, "and where did an eight-year-old
learn such a big word!"

Voodo dick

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife
was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was
gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that
sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too
close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to
please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation,

The old man "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos,
special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except !!!" and he stopped.
Businessman"Except what?"
The old man "Nothing, nothing."
Businessman "C'mon, tell me ! I need something!"
The old man "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"
Businessman "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange
symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."
The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole.
The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the
door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"
The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.
Businessman "I'll take it!"
The old man resisted, saying "it wasn't for sale", but he finally surrendered to \700 in cash.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do
was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few
days, the wife was unbearably horny, she thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the voodoo dick.
She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!"
The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before.
After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her,
still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell
her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her
clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo
On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a
policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and
twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her
pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said:
"Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

The end of the earth

God decided to end the life of the earth. He also decided to call three leaders to Him and tell them
about it. So to His chambers came Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates. After greeting them,
He informed them that he had had it with the situation on earth, and was going to destroy it. They
were to tell people to prepare for the end, which would be that Friday.

Each returned to his governing board. Bill Clinton stood before his cabinet and said, "I have some
good news, and some bad news. The good news is that there IS a God. The bad news is that He is
unhappy with earth, and is going to destroy it this Friday"

. Boris Yeltsin stood before his cabinet and said, " I have some bad news, and some worse news.
The bad news is that there IS a God. The worse news is that He is unhappy with earth, and will
destroy it this coming Friday".

Bill Gates stood before his board and said, "I have some great news, and some FANTASTIC
news. The great news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most powerful men in the world. The
FANTASTIC news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95!"

Seven dwarves

Once upon a time 7 dwarves were knocking on a convent's gates and demanding entrance. Soon
afterwards they were let inside and led to Mother Superior. She was a tough nun and asked the
dwarfs:
"-Well, what do you want?"
So Shy asked shyly:" Do you have a nun less than a meter tall?"
The nun pondered the question for a while and replied negatively. After the 7 dwarves had heard
the answer they bursted into laughter and started shouting:
"Shy has fucked a penguin! Shy has fucked a penguin!"

Monkey story

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The guy sits at the bar, and starts talking to
the bartender. While they're talking, the monkey walks over to the pool table, and eats one of the
pool balls. The bartender says to the guy,
"What's wrong with your monkey? He just ate one of the pool balls!"
The guy replies, "I can't help it. He eats anything and everything, and there doesn't seem to be thing
I can do to stop it."
He then picks up the monkey, and leaves. A few days later, the guy shows up at the bar and again,
he's got the monkey with him. This time, the monkey sits down at the bar, grabs a peanut from a
dish, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it back out and eats it.
The bartender says to the guy, "What the heck is he doing now?"
The guy answers, "He still pretty much eats everything, but after the ball incident a few days ago, he
checks to make sure it will fit before he eats it."

Marooned on an island

Sidney was marooned on an island with all material comforts, but became bored. One day he
discovered the pleasures of having a J.Arthur. Such was his delight he took to pleasuring himself
with increasing frequency. Unfortunately one day his hampton would not respond. He patiently
waited a few days, but still no erection. After a few months and feeling desperately despondent and
moping around the beach, he suddenly looked out to sea and cried "A ship ! A ship!". Running to a
prepared pile of wood, he lit a smoky bonfire and started to rejoice.

"Ah..I'm going to fuck the first woman on the boat"
"No-No, I've waited so long, I'll get a bevy of young girls and .."
(Here he goes into intimate details of how he will choreograph this orgy.)
"No-No...far better I bide my time, meet a nice young virgin and marry her, on the wedding night I'll
slowly undress her firm young body, slide her silky white panties down.....".
He felt a tremor in his long dormant hampton. He grabbed it and shouted...
"Got you ! you bastard and there wasn't a ship coming anyway !!"

Headaches

A fellow had been suffering from terrible headaches for a long time. Finally, he went to the doctor,
who gave him a thorough examination.
"Well, I'm not sure exactly what's causing the problem, but we've found a cure. You'll have to be
castrated."
The man, needless to say, was horrified. "No, doctor, I prefer to suffer the headaches."
But as time passed, they got worse and worse, and finally, he was driven back to the surgery.
"Okay doc, I'll have the operation..."
Afterwards, the man was very depressed and his doctor told him,
"Listen, my friend, I recommend you begin a new life, you know, start fresh from this point."
Taking this advice, the man went to a men's shop for a whole new wardrobe.

The salesman said, "Let's start with the suit. Looks like you'd take about 38-regular."
"That's right," said the man, "How did you know?"
"Well, when you've been in the business as long as I have, you get pretty good at izing a man up.
Now for the shirt, looks like a 15-long."
"Exactly," said the man. "
And for the underpants, I'd say a size 36."
"Well, there's you first mistake," said the man. "I've worn 34s for years."
"No, you're a size 36 if ever I've seen one," said the salesman.
"I ought to know," replied the man. "I take 34."
"Well, if you insist," said the salesman. "But they're going to pinch your balls and give you
headaches."

First condom

This young man walks into a drug store to purchase his first condom. He goes up to the clerk, who
happens to be a horny old woman and asks rather shyly for a condom.
"What size would you like?" she askes back.
"Size?" he responded, "I didn't know they came in sizes."
"Sure. There are several sizes to choose from." she offered, "Why don't you go out into to the alley
behind the store. You'll see a fence there with several holes in it about waist high. Get yourself
excited and insert your member into the holes. When you find the one that fits, look at the number
over the hole and come in and tell me what it is."

So the young man goes behind the store, finds the fence, sees the holes and begins to get himself
excited. Mean while the horny old woman runs to the other side of the fence. As he inserts himself
into the first hole she grabs him and masturbates him. The young man is rather surprised. He moves
to the next hole, inserts himself and the woman lifts her dress and places her rear to the fence. Again
the young man is amazed. He moves to the third hole, inserts himself and the woman gives him oral
sex. Finally, he puts his member away and proceeds back into the store. The clerk also rearranges
herself and rushes into the store.
The young man goes up to her and she says, "Well what size condom do you need?"
"Condom?" he replies, "The hell with the condom. How much for three feet of that fence?"

Girls I.Q.?

There's these three girls and they're out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a
mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish. Now one of the girls
just doesn't believe it, and says:
"Ok, if you can really grant wishes,then double my I.Q."
The mermaid says: "Done."
Suddenly, the girl starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it with extreme insight.
The second girl is so amazed. She says to the mermaid: "Triple my I.Q."
The mermaid says: "Done."
The girl starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the
scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.
The last girl is so enthralled with the changes in her friends, that she says to the mermaid:
"Quintiple my I.Q."
The mermaid looks at her and says: "Yo know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when
they make a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider."
The girl says: "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set
you free."
"Please," says the mermaid "You don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on
the universe...won't you ask for something else...a million dollars, anything?"
But no matter what the mermaid said, the girl insisted on having her I.Q. increased by five times it's
usual power. So the mermaid sighed and said:
"Done."
And the girl became a man.....

First Blow Job

This guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender to give a shot of his strongest stuff. The bartender
complies with the man. He downs the shot and asks for another. The bartender gives him another
shot. The man downs this one even faster. This goes on for awhile untile the bartender finally asks
the man, "Why are you drinking so much?" The man replies, "I'm celebrating my first blow job." "In
that case," says the bartender,"the next one's on the house." Discouraged, the man says,"Thanks
anyway, but if the first seven didn't wash the taste out, I don't think another would make much of a
difference."