INTEROFFICE MEMO

DATE:          T.B.A.

TO:       ALL EMPLOYEES OVER 30

CC:

FROM:     PAYROLL

RE:       EARLY RETIREMENT


Due to current financial position and probable future merges, management has decided to implement a scheme to put all employees over 30 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retired Aged Personnel Early).

Persons selected to be R.A.P.E.D. can apply to management for the
S.H.A.F.T. scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). This situation will be reviewed under the S.C.R.E.W. scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers).

An employee may be R.A.P.E.D. only once, S.H.A.F.T.E.D. twice, but
S.C.R.E.W.E.D. as many times as management deem appropriate.

Employees who have been R.A.P.E.D. can apply to get A.I.D.S. (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse), or H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings or Retiring Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, employees who had A.I.D.S. or H.E.R.P.E.S. will not be S.H.A.F.T.E.D. or S.C.R.E.W.E.D. any further by management.

Employees staying on will receive as much S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of S.H.I.T. it gives its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough S.H.I.T., please bring this to the attention of your manager.

They have been trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.