The Story is about my life..And i want to share it with you now..This is not enough to tell you about my life all with details..But i tried to tell my life's summarry here..i hope you will know me better with this story about my life..So it begins now: There is noone to tell my problems in real life except my mom and aunt.. .i want that someone that i can tell my troubles..but there is noone here who is at the same age with me or can close with me..i want to share my mixed thoughts with him/her.. by the way i am 19 female, from Turkey , istanbul..we have two house in istanbul..one is in Göztepe and one is in the one of istanbul's famous island..it's called Heybeliada.. i want to explain that name in english..heybe (saddlebag) and ada island..and büyükada is more famous than Heybeliada..because it's bigger..(büyük) big and island (ada) ..by the way my native language is turkish..our summerhouse is in Heybeliada..and we are staying there now..consequently,i am writing this e-mail to u from Heybeliada.. i feel sad nearly whole day..because i got a lot of suffering and so ifeel pain deep inside of me.. one of them is that i feel very lonely..and i want to make friends..butit was more hard to find them that i expected..there is a girl across our apartment who is 16..she is kind and lovely but not as i expected..because i don't feel comfortable when we speak..i can't tell her my private problems because i don't feel her so close to me..by the way i am very shy..and i can't trust people at all..it's hard to trust someone for me..and i don't have self-confident..and it's bad i know..by the way, i left school in 9th class..for turks you can say it: highschool 1..i left it because therewere nothing that i liked there..i didn't like it..neither used to it..it was terrible for me..noone can understand my feelings there.. however my wishes were very clear and easy..i just wanted some love from them..but not fake love..True-love and i expected understanding and kindness..but there was noone like that..so i left there..but it's notall reason for i left there..i hated classical music gradually..because i was listening it since my childhood..and it was a classical music school(conservatory)..i was playing piano there(for classical music) so all that negative factors effected me to left there..so i left it 3 years ago..and till today i tried to go another schools ..but i can'tused to them too..and i left them too..then, i started to go to some courses that can make me busy..but i left them too..because i found them verybored and useless..so i do nothing now..and i don't want to do something anymore..i feel really,really bad and i don't know what to do.. and when i feel bad and don't know what to do,i can do wrong things formy mother..she thinks that i am very irresponsible..and she always says thati should change my mind and to do something in real life like a job or something..but as i said i feel desperate and don't want to do anything..even it can make me happy for sometime if i can't find what i expected from life i turn my back to life(i sulk life) so i sulked life..because i can't see someone who is very sensitive,loveful and kind... so i suppose that i won't be able to find someone as i expected andbecause of i feel very lonely,i want to be friends with someone who lives nearer just to forget my loneliness..even i know that they don't suitable for me and not that i am looking for,i've been friends with them (but i can'tfind that sensitiveness and pure love in them) am mentioning about the boys who live here(island)..they are nativeboys of this island..(they stay summer and also winter)..but my mom doesn'twant me to be friend with them..becuse she think that they are not trustableand they are like vegabonds(tramps)..and she thinks that if i proceed my friendship with them it'll not be good....and she told me about them bad things..and this caused badfeelings about them on me..i began to fear them..and because of that i began to treat more unfriendly to them after my mother said those bad things about them..and there was a man who looking like a drinker or dangerious person..and one night when i was walking with my mother,i say hello to my friend that i met there..but when i was speaking with him he meddled my words..i mean even i didn't speak with him he began to speak with me..but he is not my friend..(the man who likes a drinker or looking like dangerious)i have met with his friend 2 days ago from that..and i just wanted to speak with him..but when my mother saw that man speaking withme, she supposed that i was friend with him..and she couldn't standthat he was my friend and after that she told me about how can a man as him might dangerious..and she told me that if that man speak me once more,shehadn't will let me to meet my other friend who is my real friend and who is very close friend with that bad man..so after that night,when i came to speakmy friend another night , i told him that if your friend will come with us,i can't see you..and i said that your friend is very bad looking and that i don't like him..so i told that if he wants to be friend with me still,i told that he must leave his friend and be friend only with me..but he treated me unfriendly after i told him these things..and he said that he won't be able to leave his best friend so he said me that if you don'twant to see him, you must leave me too..because he told me that he can't leave his best friend just becaue of me..so i couldn't say anything..i was very sad..i nearly will have cried for not to see him anymore..because even he wasn't as i expected ,when i was with him i feel more happy than when i was at home lonely..and i am not sure but iprobably liked him.. so i feel very bad now..because i lost him too..and i think i can't find anyone who is suitable for me..i am very desperate now..i don't know what to do..i just wanted to share my feelings with you even i don't know who you are..i want to thank you from now to listen me(read about my story) leaving now... Life could be more good.. full with pure love and goodfriendships...but it isn't for me now...my little story over here..but i couldn't tell you all about my life wih details..if i meet with a special person one day,i'll tell the details.. e-mail: obilginer@superonline.com

love özlem