DIARY

[990421]

[12.12 pm]

Home for lunch again. And yes, I'm listening to Ledin :-) I have been really poetic today, written several poems. I'll put them on my homepage tonight. I only write poems in Swedish, but most of you who read this is Swedes, so it doesn't matter to much. Have so much to think about. Got to visit my father soon. Haven't met him in a couple of months. Miss him. I feel lousy when I only call him to ask for money.... Mailed some poems to Carpe Diem too.

It will be really boring and depressing to live by myself. I'm used to having people around me all the time. Hope some friends will visit me anyway. Not that I know where I'm going to live, but it will probably be lonely. I'm a social type of person. I can't decide if I'm happy or depressed right now. I just am. Just exist. I think much about the meaning of my life right now. About my future. What I'm going to do, where I'm supposed to live. Who I'm going to share my life with. Things like that. I'm an atheist so I can't turn to God for advice. People who believe in God has it so easy, always has someone to talk to. I tend to think that believing in God only is for the weak who must seek comfort in something greater then them selves. A sort of father/mother substitute.

I feel like I'm running blindfolded on the meadow of destiny. Don't know if I'm going to hit something and fall or if I'm going to run for ever. Or stop, find a spot in the sun and live my life there. Hmm, got to write a poem about that. :-) C ya.