To Boddah
  
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously
would  rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note
should be pretty  easy to understand.  
  
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years,
since my first  introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved
with independence and the  embracement of your community has proven
to be very true. I haven't felt the  excitement of listening to as
well as creating music along with reading and  writing for too many
years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. 
   
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the
manic roar of  the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in
which it did for Freddy  Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the
love and adoration from the crowd,  which is something I totally
admire and envy.  The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It
simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think  of
would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm
having  100% fun.   
  
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before
I walk out  on stage. I've tried everything within my power to
appreciate it (and I do,  God, believe me I do, but it's not
enough). I appreciate the fact that I and  we have affected and
entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those  narcissists
who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive.  
   
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once
had as a  child.   
  
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all
the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but
I still can't get over the  frustration, the guilt and empathy I
have for everyone. There's good in all of  us and I think I simply
love people too much, so much that it makes me feel  too f---ing
say. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man! 
  
Why don't you just enjoy it?  I don't know!
  
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a
daughter who  reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of
love and joy, kissing every  person she meets because everyone is
good and will do her no harm.  And that  terrifies me to the point
to where I can barely function. I can't stand the  thought of
Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker 
that I've become.   
  
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of
seven, I've  become hateful towards all humans in general.  Only
because it seems so easy  for people to get along and have empathy.
Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.   
  
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your
letters  and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an
erratic, moody, baby!   I don't have the passion anymore, and so
remember, it's better to burn out  than to fade away.   
        
      Peace, Love, Empathy. 
      Kurt Cobain 
  
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. 
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. 
For her life, which will be so much happier without me. 
   
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! 

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