Good Shit
1) Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There is shit on the toilet paper but no shit in the bowl. Sometimes
referred as the "Torpedo Shit" by those who hear a slash.
2) Teflon Shit
Comes out so slick, clean & easy that you don't feel it. No trace on the toilet paper.
You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it.
3) Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar and leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. You
wipe your ass 18 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in
your underwear so you don't stain them.
4) Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it...
there's more to come!
5) Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit
The kind that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple
from straining so hard.
6) Diet Shit
You shit so much you loose 10 kilos.
7) Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has head out before you get your
pants down.
8) King Kong or "Commode
Choker" Shit
This is BIG. So big you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller
chunks (a coat hanger works well). This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's
house.
9) Wet Cheeks Shit
The shit hits the sideways and makes a big splash that wets your ass.
10) Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up with pain in your gut, you fart a few times but still don't
shit.
11) Cement Block Shit
After you've started this you'll wish you had gotten a spinal block anesthetic first.
12) Snake Shit
This is fairly soft, about as big around as your thumb, and at least 3 feet long. It has
the potential to become a TORPEDO shit.
13) Cork Shit, also known as the
Floater
Even after the third flush it's still there. My God! How do you get rid of it? The bloody
thing is unsinkable. Another one that usually happens at someone else's house.
14) Mexican Food or Volcano Shit
Like shitting sulphuric acid. Beware of letting any sweat trickle between the cheeks of
your ass for the next day or two. Not safe to eat again until your asshole stops burning.
(In fact this is how Mexicans tell they're hungry)
15) Beer Shit
One of the worst kinds of shit, this is also one of the most common. It happens the day
after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell to bad, but this shit is really
bad. You spray the bowl from top to bottom so that it looks like it's been blasted with a
shotgun loaded with Oregano and you wonder how your asshole could point in so many
directions at once. Then you discover there's bugger all toilet paper and no dunnybrush to
clean the bowl. If your in a combined toilet/bathroom there's usually someone standing
outside waiting to use the bathroom. Another kind of shit that usually happens at someone
else's house.