How to count points in a relationship, a mans perspective...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You

don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties

You make the bed..............................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1

You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..............0

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings.........+5

But return with beer.........................................-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night......................0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..............0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...........+5

You pummel it with a six iron................................+10

It's her father..............................................-10

Social Engagements

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You stay by her side the entire party........................0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy........-2

Named Tiffany.................................................-4

Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-6

Tiffany has implants..........................................-8

When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly.....+1

When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump...-5

When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive,

you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"....................................+1

When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"...........-6

That woman is her sister......................................-90

 

You have one drink, and that's it..............................0

You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle.......-2

You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18

Saturday Afternoon

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You go to the mall together.......................................+3

 

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.......+4

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar........-2

You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it...+3

You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional...0

You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ........+3

Most of it chips and beer ....................................-6

You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den..+15

Or refinishing the floors.......................................+16

Or rewiring the basement........................................+17

Or adding a second floor........................................+18

Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.....-6

And you're tickled pink about it................................-15

You visit her parents............................................ 0

You visit her parents and actually make conversation ....+3

You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television........-3

And the television is off.......................................-6

You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear...-6

And you didn't even go to college................................-10

And it's not your underwear......................................-15

 

Her Birthday

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You take her out to dinner......................................0

 

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar .........+1

Okay, it is a sports bar.........................................-2

And it's all-you-can-eat night...................................-3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team........................-10

you go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player.....+3

You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing...+4

If you stink....................................................+2

If you're not half bad..........................................+5

You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause.......-2

You give her a gift...............................................0

You give her a gift and it's a small appliance ..............-10

You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance .........+1

You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate......................+2

You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months ....+30

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day .-10

With her credit card...........................................-30

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big .................-40

 

Thoughtfulness

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You forget her birthday completely.............................-120

You forget your anniversary....................................-30

You forget to pick her up at the bus station....................-45

Which is in Newark, New Jersey.................................-50

And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.....................-60

A Night Out With The Boys

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Go out with a pal ..........................................-5

And the pal is happily married............................-4

Or frighteningly single ....................................-7

And he drives a Mustang....................................-10

With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..............-15

You have a few beers............................................-9

And miss curfew by an hour......................................-12

You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call.................-20

You get home at 3 am............................................-30

You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars .......-40

And not wearing any pants.......................................-50

Is that a tattoo??.............................................-200

 

Her Night Out

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You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work................................................+5

She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late...............+10

You wait up....................................................+15

She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..+20

 A Night At Home

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You watch TV together...........................................0

You rent a movie................................................+2

You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ..................+3

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout .........+5

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep....................-1

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool .........-2

A Night Out

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You take her to a movie.........................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes................................+4

You take her to a movie you hate ...............................+6

You take her to a movie you like.................................-2

It's called DeathCop 3..........................................-3

Which features cyborgs having sex...............................-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15

 Flowers

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You buy her flowers only when it's expected..................... 0

You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ....+20

You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself .....+30

And she contracts Lyme disease..............................-25
Your Physique

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You develop a noticeable potbelly...............................-15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of ....+10

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..........................................-5

Finances

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You spend a lot of money on something impractical...............-5

Something she can't use.........................................-10

Such a a motorized model airplane...............................-20

And she got a small appliance for her birthday..................-40
Driving

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You lost the directions on a trip...............................-4

You lost the directions and end up getting lost............-10

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ...............-15

You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal..........-25

You know them...................................................-60

The Big Question

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She asks, "Do I look fat?" ....-5

(Sensitive questions always start with

a deficit)

You hesitate in responding.....................................-10

 

You reply, "Where?"...........................................-35

Communication

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When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression.....................................0

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes........+5

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+10

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...............-20..........