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Funny stories
| "During the space program, the Apollo astronauts practiced 'moon-walking' in
the Southwestern deserts. The strange sight of the
space-suited figures wandering around the landscape attracted several
Navajo. One of them could speak English, and the officials in charge
told him what they were doing. When he informed the others, one old man
wanted to write a message to send to the moon. The NASA people humored
him, and he scratched out a message. When the others read it,
they smiled, but didn't say anything.
The NASA people couldn't read it, since it was in Navajo, and they
finally had to resort to paying a willing tribal member, for whom they
had to conduct quite a
search, since most refused to tell them what was written. As it turned
out, the note said,
'Watch out for these people! They're coming to take your land!'" |
SOME TIME-HONORED TRUTHS 1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty
things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
7. I doubt, therefore I might be.
8. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
9. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
10. Women like silent men-they think they're listening.
11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. |
| During the space program, the Apollo astronauts practiced 'moon-walking' in the
Southwestern deserts. The strange sight of the
space-suited figures wandering around the landscape attracted several
Navajo. One of them could speak English, and the officials in charge
told him what they were doing. When he informed the others, one old man
wanted to write a message to send to the moon. The NASA people humored
him, and he scratched out a message. When the others read it,
they smiled, but didn't say anything.
The NASA people couldn't read it, since it was in Navajo, and they
finally had to resort to paying a willing tribal member, for whom they
had to conduct quite a
search, since most refused to tell them what was written. As it turned
out, the note said,
'Watch out for these people! They're coming to take your land!'"
|
An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on the 20th floor
of a building. They were eating lunch and when the Irishman
opened his lunchbox he said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned
beef and
cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The
Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The redneck opened
his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more
time I'm jumping too."
Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage
and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and
jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to
his death also.
At the funeral - The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would
have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I
could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated
burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the redneck's wife.
"Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch."
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| A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a
lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant
in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian
lion." And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the
lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "We thank Thee for the food
which we are about to receive."
|
Top Ten Signs Your Company (Agency) May Be Downsizing 10. The Director's son is
washing the company/agency bicycle.
9. Your new computer terminal says "Fisher-Price" on it.
8. Three other people are added to the nameplate on your desk.
7. The mail clerk looks startled and asks, "Are you still here?"
6. The employee cafeteria consists of a hot-dog cart and the deputy
director in a hair net
5. Your cellular phone has been replace by G.I. Joe walkie-talkies
4. The pencil sharpeners are suddenly coin operated
3. The new outplacement program is a copy of the want ads and a
lottery ticket
2. As you pull into the parking lot, everyone else is leaving
And the #1 sign that your company (agency) may be downsizing -
1. During a fire drill/evacuation ...Sorry, missed the ending, kind of stinks doesn't
it?
|
The doc told his patient that masturbating before sex often helped
men last longer during the act. The man decided, "what the hell, I`ll
try it".
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He
couldn4t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that
was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that that was too
unsafe.
Finally, he realised his solution. On his way home he pulled his
truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled
underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the
privacy, he undid his pants and started masturbate. He closed his
eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt
a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his
mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied,
"what"?
He heard, "This is the police. What is going on down there?"
The man replied, "I`m checking out the rear axle, it`s busted."
Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too
while you`re down there, because your truck rolled down the hill 5
minutes ago". |
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mail me at jck@swipnet.se
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