Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a

rock.

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Do witches run spell checkers?

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

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Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

The name is Baud......, James Baud.