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| Välkommen till min skämtsida. Här kommer du nog att skratta och ha det gott. Hoppas inte historierna är för grymma. Men vaddå. Det är ju ändå skämt! =) Jag hoppas ni förstår engelska (duh), för det är mest sånna historier. Innan ni börjar läsa historierna så kan ni ju ta och titta på lite kuliga bilder. *hirr hirr* |
| Texican Fireing Squad! | Garage. *haha* | Clinton Memorial. | Hand me the dryer. |
| Holdup. | Where icicles come from. | Honest on Internet | Prao i bregottfabriken. |
A little boy was staying at his grandmothers house. In the morning, his grandmother was about to take a shower and the boy asked if he could take a shower with her. She said yes and when they got in the shower, the little boy pointed to his granny's privates and asked her what 'it' was. "Oh, that is just my Beaver' she replied back. Satisfied with the answer, he just replied, "Oh." Later that week, back at his house the little boys mother was about to take a shower. He asked if he could get into the shower with her. His mother said yes and this time he points to his mothers privates and asks. "What is that, mommy?" His mother, a little embarrassed replies, "Why that's my Beaver, honey. Why do you ask?" "Well." says the young boy, "Grandma has a Beaver too, but I think it's dead, because it smell and i's tongue hangs out!" |
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one-second. St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked. Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?" St. Peter laughs, "Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a fan." |
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing." |
An 80 year old man went into the confessional and told the priest the following: "Father, I am an 80 year old man, I'm married, I have 4 children and 11 grandchildren. Last night I strayed and had an affair with two 18 year old girls. We partied and made love all night long." The priest said, "My son, when was the last time you were at confession?" The old man said, "I have never been to confession, I'm Jewish." The priest said, "Then why are you here telling me this?" The old man said, "Father, I'm telling everyone!" |
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "Have you seen my sweet little hamster???" |
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys the following: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "So, you single?" The woman replies very sarcastically, "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're fucking ugly!". |
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