IF ??? MADE TOASTERS:
     ---------------------


     If IBM made a toaster:

     They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
     submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market
     for five, maybe
     six toasters.


     If Microsoft made a toaster:

     Everytime you bought a loaf of bread you would have to buy a toaster.
     You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'll still have to pay
     for it anyway.

     Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced
     steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take
     up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first
     toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to
     be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out
     who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft's toaster, but
     nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works
     with their toaster.


     If Apple made a toaster:

     It would do everything a Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.


     If Xerox made a toaster:

     You could toast one-sided or two-sided. Successive slices would get
     lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you. >


     If Radio Shack made a toaster:

     The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or
     you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

     If Oracle made a toaster:

     They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles
     of bread,  but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine
     was still in  development, the Croissant
     extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance
     was just blowing smoke.


     If Hewlett-Packard made a toaster:

     They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives
     you regular bread.


     If TRW Corporation made a toaster:

     It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every
     morning  there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service
     department would  have an unlisted telephone number, and the
     blueprints for the box would be  highly classified Government
     documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.


     If Sony made a toaster:

     The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single slice of
     bread it is meant to toast can be conveniently attached to your belt.


     If Fisher Price made a toaster:

     "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast
     the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.


     If the Franklin Mint made a toaster:

     Every month you would receive another lovely handcrafted piece of your
     authentic hand crafted Civil War pewter toaster.


     If Andersen Consulting made a toaster:

     It would be the first fully integrated re-engineered simple
     inter-personal communicational wheat product leveraging visionary
     offering toaster on the market coming without the risk of carbonation
     degradation via an architecting process of worldwide breadth helping
     to deliver domestic food services enterprise-wide value frameworks
     across the continuum of reorientation in an  impactful environment
     which is strategically based, industry focused and  aligned with your
     family's mission, vision and core values.