> > It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow Ned
> > edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside
> > Glasgow. If you have one of the Glasgow Ned editions you may need
> > some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow Ned edition may be
> > recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98
> > with a background picture of a Buckfast bottle superimposed on a
> > Clydebank
> > flag. It is shipped with a Buckfast screen saver.
> >
> > Also note:
> >
> > The Recycle Bin is labelled Bog
> > Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates
> > Control Panel is known as How Tae Fuck Aboot Wi The Settins
> > Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk
> > Floppies are Them Wee Plastic Fuckers.
> > And instead of an error message, you get a windae covered with an
> > empty Buckfast bottle.
> >
> > Other features:
> >
> > OK = its aww-right
> > cancel = fuck off
> > reset = whit yoo aw aboot
> > yes = aye
> > no = nay fuckin' chance
> > find = get it yer fuckin' sel'
> > go to = orr therr
> > help = ah cannae dae it
> > stop = gie's fuckin peace
> > start = fuckin' move
> > settings = settins
> > programs = stuff at does stuff
> > documents = ma shit
> >
> > Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital letters or
> > punctuation marks.
> >
> > Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES 98:
> >
> > tiperiter = a word processor
> > cullerin book = a graphics program
> > addin mershene = calculator
> > scratch paper = notepad (usually unused)
> > sounds = CD player
> > porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
> > pikchers = a graphics viewer
> > dole money = M/S accounting software
> > Sellik = a spreadsheet of Celtic F.C.'s recent scores
> > Ra Teddy Berrs = a New 9 in a row screensaver for Rangers FC.
> > Bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Tennent's Super
> > cuzzins = family history (usually 14-year-old mother's name and a
> > shortlist of possible fathers)
> > tax records = usually an empty file
> > Kappa tracksuit inventory (usually 3 meg file)
> > doactir = vetrinarians by post code
> >
> > We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy
> > of the Glasgow Ned edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a
> > replacement version.