Airline P.A.

Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System

 * Ocean crossing flight:  This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to
take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as
floatation devices...

 * Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia.  If you
can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra
pack of peanuts.

 * Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local
terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to
make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

 * Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

 * ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)

 * (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to
go back....we..we....uhhhhhh....forgot something.....

 * I'm sure everyones noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction
in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.
(ironic note: this is actually true for prop aircraft!)

 * Fasten your seatbelt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving
tendencies uses when you get in the car)

 * This is your Captain speaking....these damn planes are a lot different
than the ships I'm used to..so you'll have to give me some leeway......

 * It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and
watched the inflight movie.

 * We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and Oh shit..

 * Don't worry that one is always on E...

 * Get the parachutes ready...

 * Drinks are on me...or I'll have what the Captain's having...

 * Hey capt'n take another hit man...

 * Hey why don't you tell the new Stewardess she can come sit on my lap and
fly the plane...